Most writers will understand me when I say that sometimes a moment when all you want to do is write, is started with a spark. A spark ignited by some feeling some necessity to get things down on paper. It's been a long time since I've written not only on this blog but in general unless I was writing some random paper for school.
There are so many enlightening moments I've been going through lately, and the sad thing is I don't know if it's because of the drugs or because I've begun looking at everything a little differently. I want to be able to say that everything is better now, that I don't cry and that I don't feel depressed and although in part this is true I can't help but shed the parts of me that make me feel alive sometimes. In a sick and sad way I only feel when I am in the pain of depression, it's one of the only feelings I can rely on, the only one that has been constant and consistent.
I started taking drugs for my depression and anxiety, and it's weird but I feel like I've removed a very important part of myself, the place where my empathy comes from.
I think I'm scared of being completely me.
(But I definitely don't know how to be anything different)
I used to be okay with being "me" being confident in all of my choices and that inevitably led me into a path of being scared to live, but I guess that was his fault and not me.. It's funny how that works.
I don't want to lead a life that is primed and sequestered.
I want to cause that spark in people... That little bit of inspiration.
I'd have to be happy to that again, and somehow find a sense of satisfaction and reward.
It's time for me to let go, I'm sick of being the cage and the abused.
Trying to Get Better
Depression is often crippling, but they often say one cannot be fixed if it is not at the choice of their will. The idea of being a person so strong and unable to cope is what [was] bothering me lately. I went to the gym today, did some yoga when I got home, chose to meditate tonight as well. If I can control my body perhaps over time I can control my mind.
"The secret of zazen does not lie in the awareness of the inhalation or the exhalation. It lies in the gap in between these breaths. It lies when the breath is spontaneously suspended. It is in this gap where the mysteries of the Universe are hidden."
"The secret of zazen does not lie in the awareness of the inhalation or the exhalation. It lies in the gap in between these breaths. It lies when the breath is spontaneously suspended. It is in this gap where the mysteries of the Universe are hidden."
Perspective...
Last year I was planning on traveling to Japan for this semester... I don't know what I would have done alone in a country all alone... In this.. I don't believe in god but I am worrying and praying for Japan...
<3<3<3
The prime minister of Japan just asked his people to act calm...
"It feels like 9/11." -ShayCarl; I feel that...
Flashbulb memory.
<3<3<3
The prime minister of Japan just asked his people to act calm...
"It feels like 9/11." -ShayCarl; I feel that...
Flashbulb memory.
Introspection is the Foundation of Wisdom
*Blocks out the world*
I refuse to be interrupted. This is my time, my space, my head, my thoughts, my problems, and my growth.
*Breath*
*Introspective identification*
Where does one start in explaining it all? I supposed at the beginning, "what was your first memory of depression?". I guess I'd have to explain to you what depression seems to be for me; a heaving moment of isolation, fear, desolate body and mind. "What was your first memory of depression?"
Depression is a funny thing, when you are contained in it's imprisonment it feels like you are serving a life sentence, an unrelenting, unending time of ruminative criticism and disassociation. So when I ask myself "What was your first memory of depression?" I want to say that perhaps there was no starting place, that it is and always was part of my essence. But that can't be true... for I believe in an environmental engulfment of guilt, fear and shame. But, in a sense, I also believe in the lack of environmental support contributing to the problem at hand. So "What was your first memory of depression?"
I guess it started in my bathroom, if I could recall. Although the space and room itself over time lost presence to me. I began to question myself, all that about me, my body, and in the time alone in the shower or bath, my mind. I began to think about the thoughts of others, the qualms I had with society. It always seemed as though the bathroom was my place for thinking time, and eventually it became my dungeon. I don't remember the onset, I remember the feeling of worthlessness, of insecurity and the desire for isolation. But over time the space that surrounded me in the bathroom began to spread, it followed me everywhere, everywhere I went I had a sense of... vulnerability.
After a while the thoughts became too prevalent and I couldn't seem to shake them, I began to think I was weak for being unable to control them, for being in a sense 'ungod-like". The thoughts became unexhaulted energy within me, that were like waves crashing into my sternum inside my chest, causing me to feel sick, to make me feel like I was drowning. And the only thing I could think of, and I still am unsure of where I got the idea, I began to let the energy flow out of me, through my wrists, my legs, ankles, stomach, where ever there was space. Over time my skin became a canvas that my insecurity had consumed, it's art work to this day remains enshrined on my flesh.
The deeper I went the less it seemed to hurt, although most people would try to convince me that it would have had to have been the opposite. As I cut myself it seemed to have given me that momentary high (which subsequently I found out were merely endorphins trying to protect me) that helped me some how feel alive. How strange is it that I had to remove parts of my external body to feel alive in my sentient caricature. It progressed I suppose, it became an addiction that I had seemingly no control over.
You might ask why a person would do this to themselves, why would someone feel so pathetic. And often times I have asked myself the same things. But in the ending all I can seem to conjure up is a sense of resentment and false entitlement. I resented my family for not providing me with a mental avenue to grow, for not teaching me everything that I had to teach myself, for not letting me know that sometimes it's okay to hurt, and to ask for help, that it was okay to cry. And in a sense I felt like I was entitled to that, but I guess I cannot resent someone for something that they are and were completely unable to provide for me. It was never about attaining the products of their labour, or always wanting "more" objects and things. It was about the spiritual side of it, I regret that I didn't know that I was an animal in a cage of societal expectations, and that these expectations, even though so unattainable, when not achieved were what hurt me the most.
All I wanted was to be perfect, but I was perfect at being me, not perfect at being someone else, although that seems like what they needed. It hurt to know that, even to this day, I feel like I can never live up to their expectations. I'm not even sure what they are anymore, at this point I think their expectation is for me to be happy, but how... If I had spent my whole life living for them, not moving out at 15, and I came to university without any discretion I don't think I would be in such an unstable situation. For I compare my expectations of myself with theirs. And I suppose it's not merely just family, it's everyones pressure I feel, a feeling that I am somehow capable of great things, and surely I am, I've seen that in myself, I've seen that glint of light within me, but I can't seem to grasp it as I fumble with so many particularities of how I should behave.
It's a pain being a human in a world so filled with an underlying sense of moral language and judgement. People being excluded due to their lack of normative phenotypes. And as I've gotten older it's also been about your ability to handle everything on your own, and I've tried, and failed.
I moved from a poor cognitive pattern to a worse one as I went from homelessness, to feelings of abandonment, to feelings of being alone even while constantly around people. I wish that I was able to tell you all the good moments but somehow I have seemed to disfigure them with all of the negative things that have occurred after. The scariest thing about depression to me is how it just "creeps" up without you noticing and all of a sudden you are hovering your finger over a self destruct button, and unfortunately some people succeed in pressing that button, others like myself only get halfway and have to live with the pain of what ifs and could have beens, shouldn't have beens.
I nearly died a few times because of my risk taking behaviours, and all that has amounted to is a sense of remorse, because I can no longer rationalize or justify my actions, it was all done (often with no ill-intent) but all I have left over is scars and perhaps a sense of my edge of life. It's scary to know how much more it would take.
I spent 3 years in a relationship that was nothing less than painful in every aspect, and again I've let the negative cloud any of the good moments, I lost all of my self-respect, courage, tenacity, positivity and sometimes I feel like I also lost my ability to succeed. I spent the last year locked in a begging and critical cage barred with ill-intentions and unwarranted control. All of my successes died that night as he threw my most prized possession at me, which then later fell from a window sill in which I thought had protection and it shattered all over the floor, I guess that's when I felt the depression hit me this times. Over a stupid piece of glass, how fucking pathetic. But I felt that if I had ever achieved anything it was winning that award and now it's gone, the praise and gratification has died within me and the proof of a once successful me is gone.
Shortly after that I got a call from my older sister saying that she didn't want to live anymore... I just want to say first of all that my older sister is my rock, and my absolute hero. And hearing her saying she wanted to give up really hurt, and I don't blame her, live fuckin' sucks sometimes. While I was on the phone with her, the air was rushing in her windows as she was smoking and as she grew more silent the sounds of the vacuum within her car, I remember at one point the sound was so loud that I thought my sister had slipped her car and I remember being so scared and having no idea what to do or say. I guess it was shortly after that, that I had decided that for her and I I would be the strong one for a while and that I would learn how to be there for her and anyone else feeling the way we did those nights, alone and pissed off at the world, no hope in sight.
I wish that in my head I could change how I think about feelings, sadness, and depression for when I hear one of those words I somehow conditioned myself into thinking *suicide risk*. It's hard because I have so many friends and family members that like me suffer from the disease known as depression, and I can't seem to find the cure, and every once in a while that disease is fatal. I seem to be trying to swim in a vast ocean with the world on my shoulders, trying to hold everyone else up above me, protecting them from drowning as my breaths become shorter and shorter as I begin to spend more time gulping up water than air.
One thing that I learned today is that I am still a human, I've never been a god, and that I always have been and always will be a human... just a simple human, like you, like everyone. But that's a scary thought isn't it, a simple girl trying to save the world from drowning, trying to say the world from feeling this way.
I made a big step today, I finally talked to someone about my problems and I think that over time somehow I will begin to get better...
I've had to develop a few rules until I get better:
I refuse to be interrupted. This is my time, my space, my head, my thoughts, my problems, and my growth.
*Breath*
*Introspective identification*
Where does one start in explaining it all? I supposed at the beginning, "what was your first memory of depression?". I guess I'd have to explain to you what depression seems to be for me; a heaving moment of isolation, fear, desolate body and mind. "What was your first memory of depression?"
Depression is a funny thing, when you are contained in it's imprisonment it feels like you are serving a life sentence, an unrelenting, unending time of ruminative criticism and disassociation. So when I ask myself "What was your first memory of depression?" I want to say that perhaps there was no starting place, that it is and always was part of my essence. But that can't be true... for I believe in an environmental engulfment of guilt, fear and shame. But, in a sense, I also believe in the lack of environmental support contributing to the problem at hand. So "What was your first memory of depression?"
I guess it started in my bathroom, if I could recall. Although the space and room itself over time lost presence to me. I began to question myself, all that about me, my body, and in the time alone in the shower or bath, my mind. I began to think about the thoughts of others, the qualms I had with society. It always seemed as though the bathroom was my place for thinking time, and eventually it became my dungeon. I don't remember the onset, I remember the feeling of worthlessness, of insecurity and the desire for isolation. But over time the space that surrounded me in the bathroom began to spread, it followed me everywhere, everywhere I went I had a sense of... vulnerability.
After a while the thoughts became too prevalent and I couldn't seem to shake them, I began to think I was weak for being unable to control them, for being in a sense 'ungod-like". The thoughts became unexhaulted energy within me, that were like waves crashing into my sternum inside my chest, causing me to feel sick, to make me feel like I was drowning. And the only thing I could think of, and I still am unsure of where I got the idea, I began to let the energy flow out of me, through my wrists, my legs, ankles, stomach, where ever there was space. Over time my skin became a canvas that my insecurity had consumed, it's art work to this day remains enshrined on my flesh.
The deeper I went the less it seemed to hurt, although most people would try to convince me that it would have had to have been the opposite. As I cut myself it seemed to have given me that momentary high (which subsequently I found out were merely endorphins trying to protect me) that helped me some how feel alive. How strange is it that I had to remove parts of my external body to feel alive in my sentient caricature. It progressed I suppose, it became an addiction that I had seemingly no control over.
You might ask why a person would do this to themselves, why would someone feel so pathetic. And often times I have asked myself the same things. But in the ending all I can seem to conjure up is a sense of resentment and false entitlement. I resented my family for not providing me with a mental avenue to grow, for not teaching me everything that I had to teach myself, for not letting me know that sometimes it's okay to hurt, and to ask for help, that it was okay to cry. And in a sense I felt like I was entitled to that, but I guess I cannot resent someone for something that they are and were completely unable to provide for me. It was never about attaining the products of their labour, or always wanting "more" objects and things. It was about the spiritual side of it, I regret that I didn't know that I was an animal in a cage of societal expectations, and that these expectations, even though so unattainable, when not achieved were what hurt me the most.
All I wanted was to be perfect, but I was perfect at being me, not perfect at being someone else, although that seems like what they needed. It hurt to know that, even to this day, I feel like I can never live up to their expectations. I'm not even sure what they are anymore, at this point I think their expectation is for me to be happy, but how... If I had spent my whole life living for them, not moving out at 15, and I came to university without any discretion I don't think I would be in such an unstable situation. For I compare my expectations of myself with theirs. And I suppose it's not merely just family, it's everyones pressure I feel, a feeling that I am somehow capable of great things, and surely I am, I've seen that in myself, I've seen that glint of light within me, but I can't seem to grasp it as I fumble with so many particularities of how I should behave.
It's a pain being a human in a world so filled with an underlying sense of moral language and judgement. People being excluded due to their lack of normative phenotypes. And as I've gotten older it's also been about your ability to handle everything on your own, and I've tried, and failed.
I moved from a poor cognitive pattern to a worse one as I went from homelessness, to feelings of abandonment, to feelings of being alone even while constantly around people. I wish that I was able to tell you all the good moments but somehow I have seemed to disfigure them with all of the negative things that have occurred after. The scariest thing about depression to me is how it just "creeps" up without you noticing and all of a sudden you are hovering your finger over a self destruct button, and unfortunately some people succeed in pressing that button, others like myself only get halfway and have to live with the pain of what ifs and could have beens, shouldn't have beens.
I nearly died a few times because of my risk taking behaviours, and all that has amounted to is a sense of remorse, because I can no longer rationalize or justify my actions, it was all done (often with no ill-intent) but all I have left over is scars and perhaps a sense of my edge of life. It's scary to know how much more it would take.
I spent 3 years in a relationship that was nothing less than painful in every aspect, and again I've let the negative cloud any of the good moments, I lost all of my self-respect, courage, tenacity, positivity and sometimes I feel like I also lost my ability to succeed. I spent the last year locked in a begging and critical cage barred with ill-intentions and unwarranted control. All of my successes died that night as he threw my most prized possession at me, which then later fell from a window sill in which I thought had protection and it shattered all over the floor, I guess that's when I felt the depression hit me this times. Over a stupid piece of glass, how fucking pathetic. But I felt that if I had ever achieved anything it was winning that award and now it's gone, the praise and gratification has died within me and the proof of a once successful me is gone.
Shortly after that I got a call from my older sister saying that she didn't want to live anymore... I just want to say first of all that my older sister is my rock, and my absolute hero. And hearing her saying she wanted to give up really hurt, and I don't blame her, live fuckin' sucks sometimes. While I was on the phone with her, the air was rushing in her windows as she was smoking and as she grew more silent the sounds of the vacuum within her car, I remember at one point the sound was so loud that I thought my sister had slipped her car and I remember being so scared and having no idea what to do or say. I guess it was shortly after that, that I had decided that for her and I I would be the strong one for a while and that I would learn how to be there for her and anyone else feeling the way we did those nights, alone and pissed off at the world, no hope in sight.
I wish that in my head I could change how I think about feelings, sadness, and depression for when I hear one of those words I somehow conditioned myself into thinking *suicide risk*. It's hard because I have so many friends and family members that like me suffer from the disease known as depression, and I can't seem to find the cure, and every once in a while that disease is fatal. I seem to be trying to swim in a vast ocean with the world on my shoulders, trying to hold everyone else up above me, protecting them from drowning as my breaths become shorter and shorter as I begin to spend more time gulping up water than air.
One thing that I learned today is that I am still a human, I've never been a god, and that I always have been and always will be a human... just a simple human, like you, like everyone. But that's a scary thought isn't it, a simple girl trying to save the world from drowning, trying to say the world from feeling this way.
I made a big step today, I finally talked to someone about my problems and I think that over time somehow I will begin to get better...
I've had to develop a few rules until I get better:
- Stay offline on Facebook as it seems to bring me the most stressors, at least until I find a way to stay afloat, I have to built myself and the world a life raft first.
- Make a short list of people that I am willing to put before myself.
- Hold off on getting a job until I feel it is more manageable
- Wait until the end of exams before I pick back up on training.
- Realize the power that I have to help people
- Manage a balance between my emotions and my time
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For some reason I've begun to miss poetry. So I wanted to give it a shot
Thick black curtains disobey the light,
holding out the cascades of life
A room long lost and forgotten,
a mask of new relations
candles relish at their wick and beg for oxygen
the room is growing ever more suffocating
chained to the floor a paper doll seems so listless as to get up,
to risk being torn
the doll risks being burned by the flames as they begin to engulf
the curtains begin to burn, the dolls edges slowly beginning to curl
the curtains burn away and the joviality pouring into the room in radiated beams
The doll tarnished and blistered looks out past the rectangle once covering the courtyard
She begins to become restless, uncontented by her surroundings,
Folding herself she escapes her shackles,
Never as pristine as she once; she takes on the world
The world of steel man and golden women,
She sway so elegantly in the wind,
being lifted up into lifes generosity and exoneration
"Broken cold confused"
*Bed* Another day at last.
52 cents for 2 cents
This is kind of a lame/exciting blog post so BEWARE!!
I found out today that I have made 52 cents from this blog, and although that can't buy be anything in Canada it's a neat thought to know that in some way I have benefited (rather than through catharsis) from this blog. It's interesting to me that I got a compliment from a nice fellow on facebook today about how he enjoyed reading my blog, and shortly after I had realized that I had made 52 cents off my adsense. I guess my intention was to never make money with this blog, and as you could see I somewhat gave up on writing her for a while because I only felt like I was contributing a poor attitude. I don't want my audience to ever think that I don't see the beauty in life, and not just the darkness.
I want to say thank you for those who read this blog, it means a lot because these posts are literally my heart in text.
I wish you all the best
Love Cecilia
I found out today that I have made 52 cents from this blog, and although that can't buy be anything in Canada it's a neat thought to know that in some way I have benefited (rather than through catharsis) from this blog. It's interesting to me that I got a compliment from a nice fellow on facebook today about how he enjoyed reading my blog, and shortly after I had realized that I had made 52 cents off my adsense. I guess my intention was to never make money with this blog, and as you could see I somewhat gave up on writing her for a while because I only felt like I was contributing a poor attitude. I don't want my audience to ever think that I don't see the beauty in life, and not just the darkness.
I want to say thank you for those who read this blog, it means a lot because these posts are literally my heart in text.
I wish you all the best
Love Cecilia
Philosophy Paper 2
The Obstacles of the Whole and Free Man
What is the true potential of the species known as “man” and how can this species achieve it's full potential? Philosophy often enquires and debates that which drives man and that which holds the species back from achieving their full potential or the full realization of the nature of humans. The progression of communication, communal relationships, the advancements made in technology and the increase in necessary workers has added pressure on the human race to properly manage its growth as they move towards their full potential. One can go about looking at humanity from different perspectives, whether sociologically, economically, psychologically, philosophically as well as evolutionarily, in order to form an opinion as to where humans are headed in the future. This paper will discuss the growth of humans through an economic and sociological perspective in regards to the full potential of man, taking into account both Friedrich Nietzsche and Karl Marx's ideas on the subject. This paper will discuss Friedrich Nietzsche's view of herd morality and the problem it causes for humans. Karl Marx provides the more comprehensive explanation of the two and describes a more realistic view of the obstacles that humans face. Marx's theory is not only more clear but also provides a concept that may help to transition humans from where society is and where it is heading. In order to persuade I will discuss capitalism and how it has fostered the growth of what Marx's called alienated labour. By acknowledging the causes of alienated labour we can see a more informed discussion of the obstacles that humans must modify in order to advance and reach their full potential. Both Nietzsche and Marx do not provide an absolute answer of how to overcome the obstacles that human face as well as what will the product of overcoming these obstacles and therefore it is only through inference an educated assumptions that we may be able to assess the obstacles at hand and move forward.
Friedrich Nietzsche takes a primarily sociological hierarchical view in his discussion of the intellectual and moral growth of humans. He takes into account an “aristocratic” population who are able to create the norms and rules of their society. Nietzsche also explains that these people of higher economic status are whom the lower economic status are compared to and that this comparison is what creates the opposition between people. Similarly, Karl Marx critiques the political economic state, that humans have found themselves, and explains that obstacles that come from a capitalist society cause a sense of alienation to occur in the work place and that this separation of man from work is what stands in the way of human advancement.
First, a discussion of Friedrich Nietzsche's perspective on what keeps man from reaching their full potential. According to Nietzsche, what keeps humans from achieving their full potential is the way they perceive the concepts of good and evil. The classification between “good” and “evil” has been modified as society has changed across time. Good has been characterized by Nietszche both as someone who has power in the master morality stage, Nietzsche first stage in The Genealogy of Morality; while in his second stage, known as the slave morality stage, a good person is characterized by someone who is weak and patient. Converse to the master morality stage, those that have power in the slave morality stage are considered the “evil” people in society, because these people hold the power of sociology and moral ideals in their grasp, however rarely is it used to deconstruct the guilt and resentment that is felt in the “good” and patient people (16). Nietzsche explains that the evil parts of society are after thoughts to the good nature of man and is merely a product of comparing that which is good in a person to that which is evil. In Nietzsche's On the Genealogy of Morality, the “evil” humans in the slave moral stage, who is able to create the rules of society and ensures that the participants of the community abide by them, are known as the powerful “blonde beasts”, which Nietszche explains are meant to be seen as predators, leaving the “good” humans to be seen as prey (58). Nietzsche believed that this had been a product of the loss of the hunter and gathering nature of past humans and that this instinct to kill or harm others for sake of survival remained. This instinct is now frowned upon by society that expects intellectualized thought over animalistic instincts. This retraction of the human instinct Nietszche says, produced a sense of guilt in humans that he calls bad conscience.
It seems as though Nietzsche believed that the primary obstacle that keeps humans from being a truly fulfilled species is his idea of bad conscience that arose from humans turning this instinctual energy inward and using it against themselves. He discusses how by turning these instincts inward they become latent because society deems these instincts obsolete and “evil”. This bad conscience leads to mediocrity because people spend so much time focusing on their negative qualities that they cannot become masterful and he explains that people because of this are “self-denying” (59). This bad conscience is what turns “man against himself” and is what causes “Hostility, cruelty [and] pleasure in persecution” it also causes “change” and “destruction”(57). Nietzsche believed that for humans to achieve their full potential somehow they must rid themselves of this guilt, perhaps by a “revaluation” of their morals, their behaviour and rules of governance (16). Although I would have to agree with Nietzsche when it comes to there being a guilt that is prevalent in a slave moral society I do not believe that it is a bi-product of a hunter and gathering society. I argue the source of this guilt is caused by societal pressure that suggests there is a constant need to acquire things and that this guilt stems from not being able to attain that which society sees as signs of prosperity and power. This is something that both Nietzsche and Marx discuss: how a person is judged or valued based on their “assessment of utility” and the capital in which they acquire (11).
Karl Marx explains that in a capitalist society the most important task of man is to acquire capital or wealth. This necessity to acquire capital leaves man vulnerable to working for the attainment of wealth and or property. As the world progresses, and as human work, they build and creates more products that require maintenance in order to remain useful over time. At first, the intention of creating things, through factories as well as industrialized factories, was to create products for the greater society and that the labour it took to create and maintain such products were made in communal expectation. However, in a capitalist society, the bourgeoisie see the profit of labour, as they own most products that are created by the proletariat class. The proletariat and the bourgeoisie are affected by this detachment with the production of capital. For the proletariat they labour tirelessly to create products in which they themselves will never see the profit of, and as for the bourgeoisie they miss the availability to partake in the creation of products that give them their wealth. The separation between labour of humans and the products they create is what Marx called Alienation of Labour. Alienated labour is what Marx suggests is what keeps humans from reaching their full potential, or even growing. This Alienation of Labour causes man to be relatively mechanical in their work as they lose most of the passion to create the product and therefore only apply time to that which is necessary and expected of them, and not much more. By only partaking in work that is expected and necessary, humans are used as a commodity or as if a robot. Overtime, man becomes mechanistic and apathetic of work and therefore becomes resentful of working. However, if humans do not perform their duty they are seen as not only an inconvenience, adding more work to the community, but also seem incompetent and unable to partake in work. Walking the streets of Toronto, Ontario or any large city for that matter, one can see this objectification of work at play. As some find themselves on the street begging for money, unable to work due to mental illness, lack of support or inadequate education there are also those with capital walking by as if they had not seen the person under blankets beside their favourite coffee shop. This inability to participate in society is not only discussed in a sociological and economic perspective but also in a psychological perspective as it appears in the most commonly used diagnostic manual in western society. For every disorder according to the DSM IV a certain criterion remains a constant and is a necessity in diagnosing someone with a mental health condition, symptoms of a mental illness must “cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning” (DSM-IV, p. 327). Marx's ideas would suggest that this is the product of the commodification of man.
Marx believed the Alienation of Labour is what keeps man from achieving his full potential and that in order for humans to move forward out of capitalist society a revolution would have to occur, often described as the rise of the proletariat. Capitalism forces men to be dependent on one another and because of that individuals lose the feeling of control and therefore their existence seems to lie outside of themselves. However, for an individual to be more driven and feel the need to create more innovative and progressive ideas they must feel as though they will benefit from their creation or they would somehow feel a sense of intrinsic desire from the product of their labour.
Research indicates that having a sense of autonomy at work is what provides a person the highest level of satisfaction. Having increased autonomy allows workers to feel as though they have power and control of the product of their labour and this in-turn increases motivation at work and perhaps even increases one's confidence. Having larger amounts of responsibility allows humans to better use their personal assets more flexibly and therefore their skills may be best harnessed (Simmering). Having a sense of independence rather than dependence seems to foster more of a creative thought, for example if all writers and painters were told to complete their art at the will of someone else the work would seem less unique and thoughtful.
I, like Marx, believe that it is primarily the fault of alienated labour that humans are unable to progress to their absolute potential. Nietzsche explains that we fall victim to our perceptions of good and evil and that these ideas are what limits our ability to harness humans full potential. The perceptions of good and evil not only are very individualistic but are always changing, which causes me to be sceptical that the hostility and guilt that is of man is merely caused by our past necessity to hunt and this instinct being internalized after years of no use is what holds man back from progressing. Marx hints that perhaps that what ultimately can prevent the obstacle that stands between man and the full realization of their potential is the difference between “need” and “common need” (39).
While discussing this paper with two seemingly homeless people at the Ontario Northland Bus Station roughly a week ago a woman said that “the worst thing that man ever invented was the word mine” and perhaps there is some truth in that. For example, the person I discussed earlier that walks passed the homeless person on the street, thinking that perhaps a homeless person is useless as they provide no product from labour and that they should simply “get a job”. The issue also being that the man who is more financially stable is unwilling to part from the money that is the only product of his labour. In that case who is the good person and who is evil? Is it the poor man on the street providing no products for society or is it the rich man that steps over him apathetically? I believe only Marx has answered this question for me, and that is why I choose to say his discussion of the obstacles that humans face more valuable. It is neither the homeless man nor the apathetic man that is at fault, it is the normative beliefs of a capitalist society. In the beginning the idea of industrialized work was to be more efficient and to produce more products with the hope of helping a larger group of people with less work required. I can not help but think the obstacle preventing the full realization of the human species is a need for humans to have a distributed amount of wealth that allows more so the fulfilment of needs rather than desires. To lean down and help those that have less capital, and acknowledge that in helping a fellow human a person in some way is helping to break down the obstacle that stands between man and their full potential. By helping someone humans may feel they have control in their lives and may even provide a sense of autonomy that is needed to help them feel unalienated from society and not just the alienation of labour.
Works Cited
Marx, K (1977). The Early Writings 1837-1844. In D. McLellan (Ed.) Selected Writings (pp. 76-97). Oxford: Oxford University Press.
Nietzsche Friedrich (1998). On the Genealogy of Morality. Indianapolis, Indiana: Hackett Publishing Company
Simmering Marcia J. Autonomy. Encyclopedia of Business, 2nd ed. Reference for Business (Advameg, Inc.) Web. 21 February 2011. http://www.referenceforbusiness.com/management/ABud/Autonomy.html
Some Wisdom
- You can't always be strong
- You won't always be happy
- You can choose to live a more fulfilling life
- You have the power to help others and to make them smile
- It's okay to ask for help.
- You can choose to be your own best friend or your own worst enemy
- You will never be happy while you are trying to be perfect
- It's impossible to make everyone happy
- Sometimes you won't be appreciated, sometimes even when you deserve to be
- A sober life really makes you confront your problems
- You can't take back your past, but you can overwrite it with your future actions
- Sometimes your best friends will be the best people to talk to, sometimes strangers are best.
- Smile at others because it might change their life
- Don't ever be scared to be yourself, because you can be amazing
- If you ever feel alone, someone else does too, find that person and comfort them, you can argue over who felt lonelier after.
- Give those that are going through a hard time the most compliments
- Never be scared to ask "are you okay"
- Tell those that you love how much you appreciate them as much as possible
- Let your light shine, it will allow others to be bright as well
- Smile
- Love yourself even at your worst
- Don't let depression waste your time.
- Listen to peoples advice because sometimes it's what you need to hear
- Have respect for yourself and your body, if you don't you might regret it later
- Always follow your heart
- Don't be scared to take a chance, especially if it's scary
- Everyone loves a letter from the heart
- Wake up everyday with one goal, even something as simple as tidying up your desk, because once you've accomplished it, at least you did that for yourself that day
- Never do something for someone else, unless somehow you know it's a benefit for more people than yourself
- If you are ever self-conscious tell yourself all the things that make you an amazing person
- If someone needs someone to listen never wait for your turn to talk
- If someone falls, catch them, or help them up
- Always care about other people, empathy may be what saves humans.
- Love yourself even when you feel like you have no reason to.
- Don't be scared to cry, sometimes it's the only thing that will help.
- Keep a mental pros and cons list for some situations, when the cons out weigh the pros, it's time to leave
- Don't ever let someone take advantage of you
- Treat the youth with respect and listen as if they know as much as you, odds are they know more.
- Give up something of yours if it helps someone else, the gratification is worth more than the capital
- If something is bothering you, confront the situation unbaisedly and assertively
- Write things down that bother you, tear them up if you never want them to run your life again
- Don't turn to things for comfort, nothing is forever.
- Believe there is such thing as love in fairytales out here in the real world because it may be what gives you hope during the hard times.
- Every time you fall get back up
- "Failures can be successes if you learn from them"
- Don't ever feel like you can't live up to your own expectations for yourself, conquer your discretions.
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