When we heard the crash we were hugging one another. I think that was what made it all so scary. We were standing outside in the dark, it was so quiet that night, everything seemed so calm. Life really has a way of making you feel alive. We spent days talking about it, telling other's the story. It was painful to know that there was nothing we could have done. I don't feel that this experience contributed to my successes and happiness. When I hear a car driving too fast, when I drive, when I hear tires screeching outside, I can't help but think of that night (although it doesn't have a huge baring on my daily living). I know that if we were not there someone else would have found the accident, even worse it could have been the morning and they could have found his body in plain sight.
I learned a lot about myself that night, I realized how fortunate I am. I also realized that I have no control over what will happen to me, and that was quite humbling. I also felt how fast my heart could beat. Like I said, life has an interesting way of making us feel so alive. But I feel these moments of realization could have occurred in a less traumatic way. I feel resolved from it all mostly, but today I got a call to reiterate my statement, again when things were calm, and while I was in a car. I feel a sense of pride knowing that I allowed his family to have a concrete statement about what happened to their son. I just wish I could have helped more to ensure they did not have to hurt. I wish we could have saved him, even until the ambulance got there. And at times I feel guilty for feeling thankful that I did not have to give medical care to a dying man.
I'm sorry Dan, I wish you were still around and that we could have met.
R.I.P.