What is something you'd like to tell your mom and something you'd like to say to your dad?



I understand everything now, more than I used to. I am sorry for all of the bad things I've said. I'm sorry we don't talk enough. I forgive you for the mistakes you've made. I've learned to forgive myself for the mistakes I've made. We have the rest of our lives to grow. 

I love you.



Hi I'm Here! I'm Me!

And I need to get back to writing. I've always found writing one of the most positive cathartic hobbies I ever had. I haven't made time to let all of my feelings out. It's hard to spend time reflecting on who you are as an individual because it's often painful and tiring. But after a life time of holding it in, it's time I share myself to the world, because I feel like I can (hopefully) have an impact.

I don't know what my purpose is, but I'd love to find out.


Vulnerability is:

Letting people read this:


You allowed me to realize that I went immediately from harming myself to bettering myself. Being successful was now my drug of choice, I'm addicted to feeling good about my accomplishments. I never had thought about it as detrimental, it's what I find confidence in, it's what I find my own strength in until you mentioned it. But I now know I get high off of the satisfaction of doing well. And I hurt myself by saying it's never good enough. Eventually I will have to come to terms with the fact that it's okay that I'm not perfect.
I wonder if the butterfly remembers when it was a caterpillar... Going through a metamorphosis. I guess in a way I'm blessed with the scars of the caterpillars life. Hoping to fly like the butterfly over the beautiful fields of tomorrow.

One Hundred Questions to Get to Know Yourself Better

        A Challenge built with the hope of gaining personal insight, growth and recognition. The amount of openness is up to you, keep some answers stored away in a personal notebook or write some on your blog, your tumblr, tweet short answers, or put them on Facebook if you are adventurous. Steph and I wish you the best of luck!

      The questions are meant to challenge your thoughts on personal moments in your life. Some of the questions are meant to get you to the heart of some of your most painful moments and to bring you to the highs of some of your best experiences. Some people may have triggers, and that is okay, keep yourself focused on the writing challenge. If you find yourself in Crisis I insist you talk to a friend, a family member, a crisis line or a personal counselor. We hope that everyone enjoys the questions and you learn a little bit about yourself. And that's what makes life so beautiful.

Love Cecilia

LETS GET STARED!


THE 100 DAY/QUESTION PERSONAL EXPLORATION CHALLENGE
  1. What does vulnerability mean to you?
  2. What is something you'd like to tell your mom and something you'd like to say to your dad?
  3. If you could erase one thing/memory from your life what would it be?
  4. What do you see yourself doing when you are 80 years old, What would be important to you?
  5. At which point in your life have you been the happiest, what was different then?
  6. What does abandonment mean to you?
  7. Are you frustrated with anyone in your life? Why?
  8. What is something you'd like to overcome?
  9. What does the word love currently mean to you?
  10. When and where do you most feel like yourself?
  11. What makes you feel alive?
  12. Name 3 of your imperfections.
  13. Name 3 of your best attributes.
  14. Something you have to forgive yourself for.
  15. Something you have to forgive someone for.
  16. Something you hope you never have to do.
  17. Someone who has made your life worth living for.
  18. Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
  19. Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
  20. Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
  21. Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
  22. Someone or something you definitely could live without.
  23. A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
  24. Your views on gay marriage.
  25. Your views on drugs and alcohol.
  26. How do you feel about war?
  27. Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
  28. Something you wish you had done in your life.
  29. Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Include title and artist)
  30. The reason(s) you believe you’re still alive today.
  31. Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
  32. What’s the best thing going for you right now?
  33. What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
  34. Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
  35. What does the word control mean to you? Do you like or dislike having control?
  36. Do you consider yourself defensive?
  37. What is something you are always worried people are saying behind your back?
  38. What is one goal you set for yourself that you’ve never been able to achieve? What’s holding you back?
  39. Name and explain a time you were really disappointed in yourself.
  40. Describe the best summer of your life. What/who made it that way?
  41. Write a letter to the person who hurt you the most, explaining your feelings about the situation.
  42. What is the one thing that you just can’t seem to get over?
  43. What does education mean to you?
  44. Is there a member of your family that you feel detached from? Why?
  45. Dear future me...
  46. What are you most afraid of becoming?
  47. At what time in your life did you cry the most, why were you upset?
  48. What is something you want for yourself?
  49. What makes you feel proud of yourself?
  50. What is more important your career or having a family? Why?
  51. Write a list of 20 things you want to do before you die
  52. What makes you feel self-conscious?
  53. What makes you feel confident?
  54. What kind of hobbies would you like to explore in the future
  55. Write a thank you letter to someone
  56. How could you better take care of yourself?
  57. Do you love yourself?
  58. Has anyone hurt you? How did it make you feel?
  59. Have you ever hurt yourself? How did it make you feel?
  60. What gets your heart pounding?
  61. What makes you nervous?
  62. Do you ever feel like you can't connect with others?
  63. Is there something you wish you were better at?
  64. How do you manage your anger?
  65. A habit you'd like to quit?
  66. What is something you'd like to do but think you can't?
  67. What kind of role model would you like to be?
  68. Are you sexually comfortable with yourself?
  69. If you were standing in front of a room of strangers naked, how would you feel/react?
  70. What are your thoughts on fate?
  71. What was your first experience with death? What were some of your thoughts?
  72. What are your feelings/thoughts about an afterlife?
  73. When have you ever felt powerless?
  74. What is something you find interesting that you don't share with other people?
  75. What is something you did as a child that you do not do anymore? Why?
  76. What kind of first impression would you hope others would have of you?
  77. How do you think your childhood went over all?
  78. Name a person that you look up to and why?
  79. What was the scariest moment of your life?
  80. If you could make any wish come true what would it be?
  81. Who is your biggest supporter?
  82. Who is your biggest doubter?
  83. How do you manage stress?
  84. Have you given yourself an orgasm?
  85. Has anyone ever made/helped you have an orgasm?
  86. Go find a place in nature, forget your phone and explain what it feels like to be disconnected.
  87. Do you talk about your emotions? Or hold them inside? Why?
  88. Have you ever lied to yourself? What was it about?
  89. Find a picture of a time you were really happy. What was it about that situation that made you so happy? Explain.
  90. What is your biggest fear? Do you wish to overcome it?
  91. How have your parents’ actions shaped you into the person you’ve become?
  92. Do you push people away? Why?
  93. Do you feel like you’ve ever conformed to society’s standards?
  94. Have you ever changed yourself for someone you loved? Why or why not?
  95. Name a time when you had your heart broken. Explain how it felt.
  96. Write a letter to someone who you’ve held back your feelings from
  97. When do you feel your most inspired?
  98. Is life anything like you planned it to be?
  99. If you could go back in time and change something, what would you change?
  100. Have you ever just let yourself “let go”?
  101. Is there a question you wish we had asked? Provide your question and the answer.

"Being yourself you can make a better world"

          I had the great honour of hearing a wise man speak today. My friend Kevin Salzman, who I am lucky to know, spoke at the local club and he spoke of his determination to go "beyond borders, beyond boundaries and beyond limitations". Today he did just that proving to himself and to others alike that a person with Cerebral Palsy can do anything they put their mind to. Kevin is a very inspiring friend and often he says that he is inspired by me. I laugh every time because in comparison to his motivation, mine is minuscule. Kevin plans to go across Canada in the summer of 2012 in a manual wheelchair. A feat that I could never imagine possible, if it weren't for his brilliant attitude and drive. Kevin often jokes that he is similar to Charlie Sheen in the fact that "[he] only has one speed, GO". And boy is it ever true.
        I realize that going beyond our borders, boundaries and limitations is what makes us who we are. If we are not striving for a better us than we merely aren't living. Tomorrow as today I will fight to become a better Cecilia. I will allow Kevin to do just as he has set out to do, he has lit a fire inside me to push forward and achieve all of my greatest dreams. I surely won't go across Canada in a wheelchair, I'll leave that to him, but I will ensure I am giving myself a fair shot.
Inspiring others is what makes life so beautiful.
Giving yourself a second chance for success makes life so beautiful. I often hold myself back because perhaps I am scared of success. I stopped writing because I started to feel pressure, and I know pressure brings on the feeling of commitment. But maybe commitment to a blog I have full control of is part of why I started all of this. I wanted an outlet, a place to come and vent, derail by depression. I want to make a promise to myself to try to write more, but I'm not ready for everyday, so for now I'll say once a week I will start writing again. I think the most appropriate time is Wednesday nights. So be prepared to see more material.
It's funny how scared and confined we become in self-doubt. I want this year to be a successful one, I want to thrive and enjoy this life. I want to find the beauty in life again... Sometimes I feel like it's so easy to lose it.

As an update I'd like you to know that I've been doing well, I'm now in College for Mental health and Addictions hoping to help people that can trust me. People that I can empathize with. 

I hope that you guys tune in and let's see where this blog may go. 

Any post is a post. I promise I'll start thinking more creatively again. I've got some ideas for weekly posts. You'll just have to wait and see <3

Love Cecilia