Love - In it's Simplicity

Dear Meagan,

You are not only Beautiful(note capital B) but HILARIOUS. And I include you in the handful of people I'd marry. You are a perfect friend that's always there and won't judge me for how silly and ridiculous I am. I will always consider you my best friend from university and one of the most trust worthy people I know. I know deep down that everything will be alright for you because you are an amazingly magnetic person. Even when people look over at us and make judgy faces I know that no matter what you will always laugh at me when you see how hilarious THEY look. I respect the person you are and every ideal that you have. I love that a city girl like me and a country girl like you somehow when we hang out we have no differences. I am so appreciative of every time you have made me smile when I was feeling down and every time we laughed because we were so depressed, stressed and tired I knew that we would be okay because we were in it together. I don't think that we've known each other for more than a year and a half but I can guarantee that you know more about me than anyone else, and being able to say that is an honour, because lets face it, I'm awesome. But you help me everyday be that awesome. When I think about you I don't see everything that everyone else sees, I see an angel because you have truly saved me from myself at times. I know that if I ever need a laugh or someone to cry with that I should call you or ask if you wanted to go get candy at the bulk barn, or if we wanted to go to Value Village, mostly paying attention to the amazingly ridiculous clothes they have there. Meagan I can say with a straight face (which you know his hard for me) that you are one of the best people I've ever gotten to know. You are fragile, shy and bubbly and those are the things that I've always loved about you. You are my sunshine when it's POURING out and I have to go 65 dollars on a stupid North bay bus pass.

I've been wanting to write you this for a really long time but I can't seem to find enough time to tell you how truly amazing I think you are. I know that when I have kids they will be aunt meagan, and I know that even from a billion miles away I will always be able to listen for your loud laugh to find you. I hope that one day you find your perfect guy, although it'd be hard to find someone as amazing as you are, but I really do. I hope that you and I always notice the sunshine after the storm. I wish we could always try to take pictures on the beach trying to write in the sand as the waves poured in.

I'm really happy that you and I met and were forced into spending so much time together. You are my partner in crime and my dollar store comrade.

I know that this will only keep growing, much like this letter.
I know that sometimes you are depressed because you are not yet all that you know you can be, and because you've always been there for me, I always want to be the one cheering you on.

I love you. Thank you for being there in the moments I needed you.
Stay Strong. Just Breathe. Believe and be hopeful.

And you are part of what makes life so beautiful.

The Music in My Head

I've done this a few times in a word document and I thought it might be interesting to see what music I listen to 6 months from now.

A list of the Artists I've been listening to non-stop:

Adele
Blindside
Brokencyde
Bruno Mars
Cage the Elephant
Ellie Gouldring
Fiction Plane
Form One
Gym Class Heroes
Incubus
Jessie J.
Ke$ha
Katy Perry
LMFAO
Little Boots
MGMT
Mother Mother
N.E.R.D.
Rob Szabo
Shiny Toy Guns
Sublime
T.I.
Travie McCoy

What are you addicted to right now?
Let me know in the Comments <3 xox

The Key

I'm sick of talking about getting better it hurts to much. Depression the endless cycle, cycling, cycling. It sometimes can make you feel like you can't break from it's grasp. But I am opening my cage, I have the choice to get better and I have the choice to take what people say to heart. It's hard to push it all out of your mind, to push every little bit of judgement out. Some people don't know what words hurt, so I can't really blame them I'm just probably too sensitive for this world. I always need to be surrounded by loving and caring people, people who are honest about things that matter, not things that make me cry as I sit alone ruminating over ideas that just won't seem to go away. Here's my idea, lock all of my insecurities and pain up into a cage, and as I ram it shut with my hip I will have squeezed out all the things that I love about myself that will be what are always there for me.

I'd also like to say that I have been listening to some amazing music lately including Adele's new album, Jessie J and Cage the Elephants. They are really making the days go by easier. God Adele's beautiful, check it out.

Peace and Love
Cecilia

I love myself because

I'm the only person who understands my sense of humour
I'm the only person I can be completely be myself around
I'm the only person that know's everything about myself
I am a good person (most of the time)
I understand my intentions are usually good
I care a lot about people
I know my full potential

The Spark/The Cage

Most writers will understand me when I say that sometimes a moment, when all you want to do is write, is started with a spark. A spark ignited by some feeling, some necessity, to get things down on paper. It's been a long time since I've written not only on this blog but in general unless I was writing some random paper for school.
       There are so many enlightening moments I've been going through lately, and the sad thing is I don't know if it's because of the drugs or because I've begun looking at everything a little differently. I want to be able to say that everything is better now, that I don't cry and that I don't feel depressed and although in part this is true I can't help but feel I am shedding the parts of me that make me feel alive sometimes. In a sick and sad way I only feel alive when I am in the pain of depression, it's one of the only feelings I can rely on, the only one that has been constant and consistent. 
       I started taking drugs for my depression and anxiety, and it's weird but I feel like I've removed a very important part of myself, the place where my empathy comes from. But it's also helped me to relax and calm my anxiety, but don't think you can't do it without the medication, I just got to a point where I thought I couldn't survive anymore, nor did I want to...

I think I'm scared of being completely me.
(But I definitely don't know how to be anything different)


I used to be okay with being "me" being confident in all of my choices and that inevitably led me into a path of being scared to live, but I guess that was his fault and not mine... It's funny how that works.


I don't want to lead a life that is primed and sequestered. I never wanted to.


I want to cause that spark in people... That little bit of inspiration. Like I used to, like I used to cause in myself.


I'd have to be happy to that again, and somehow find a sense of satisfaction and reward.


It's time for me to let go, I'm sick of being the cage and the abused. Only I have the key, only I have the key.