Remembrance day is always a tough time of year for me, for my family and for my country. For the past 8 years I have cried every year on November 11th. In 2007 I lost my great grandmother Marion Chambers she was just months shy of 86 years old. That year, on November 9th, I attended my school assembly in Remembrance of our fallen, and I cried, I hysterically cried... I didn't understand why at the time, it was just something about the ceremony that got me that year. I understand why now. The night of the 9th I had to work, it was a Friday, and I was going out of town that weekend to go see a University I was considering. After my shift I noticed that I had a missed call from my older sister Katie. I answered the phone, and unfortunately I was met with a conversation I hadn't prepared myself for. My mama had passed away in her sleep and Katie was calling to tell me. I remember sitting on the curb beside a car filled with my friends who were excited to go on a roadtrip, to a school 4 hours away. And I sat there, for what seemed like forever, talking to my sister, not wanting the conversation to end, let alone having had it begin. I took some time after we ended our call, I wiped away my tears and decided that I would go to North Bay anyways. I don't remember that weekend much... I just remember trailing away in thoughts while others partied. I remember feeling alone, scared and frustrated. I felt like I didn't get my good-bye. Every year I'd call my Mama on Remembrance day and thank her for her service. It was always a great conversation because she always told me a new story... This year I was angry I didn't get that phone call, I didn't get to say, "Bye Mama I love you, I'll talk to you next week". Instead if I had called her it would have been a long time waiting for staff to answer her phone. I had voicemails of her on my answering machine, for months I held onto the comfort of knowing her voice was right there... but wasn't.
So every year on Remembrance day I weep. I weep because I miss my Grandmother and because I can feel the energy of remorse fall over my country. And this year, I cried in tradition. But this year was different, it was more difficult and painful. I sat and watched the ceremony on T.V. with my 7 month old son Loxton. As he shuddered in my arms as the cannons were fired I realized war is scary, for everyone. As he sit quietly while the trumpeter play "The last post", I sob and hold him tightly. This year I realize that despite the fact that the war had touched my family and my life, I was never a child of war. I have never personally been harmed by war.
So this year I am more thankful than I have ever been in my life. I am so thankful to have choice, freedom and solace. I am thankful to be Canadian. I am thankful to be alive, in my beautiful home, with my beautiful family, sharing stories of a beautiful woman who we lost November 9th, 2007. I am thankful I have some of her features, and her caring nature. I am thankful to have the time to Remember.
Rest in Peace. Thank you to all that have faught and fight for my freedom.
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