Illusionary Discretion

I seem to be lacking motivation today. Perhaps it is caused by my loss of faith in the idea that all this work will pay off. Every once in a while I have a day where it just all seems pointless. I have spent 3 years in University, and of course this leads you to more schooling, then probably a post-graduate program, then maybe I'll get a job. My worry is that maybe I'll never have time to live... What is it to live? Maybe this is the biggest question I struggle with daily. What is it to live, how should one live, moreover, how would one choose to live, or how would one want to live? I know that life does not necessitate the writing of countless papers on subjects that will never be addressed aside from a subjective grading scheme. What I find rather entertaining today is that I have an appointment with a career counselor to see if my life choices have amounted to anything. I can say that I have learned a lot in my education, unfortunately, learning how to live is not one of those things, we don't learn things that can be used in daily life, rather we are enabled to clutter our days with redundant concepts and illusions of intelligence. I can't just keep agreeing with people when they say it's all worth it, or that it's all going to be "okay". I often feel like school is for conformists, not that society, or even you may view that as a bad thing, but how is one supposed to divulge their potentiality if they are merely on the same train of thought as the percentile of their generation in the same life direction. I know I'm ranting, and I'm also aware that these words have no real relevance or will ever lead to anything, because for me to be successful I have to do what is expected, and then more. It's so daunting to do all the work to get a piece of paper that means nothing more than accreditation. I can't think like you, and maybe I never will, but thankfully I can meld with society while still having my own views of success, of relationships. I guess it's cliche to say I'm unique.. I guess it's cliche to say I'm just like everyone else. I needed this rant to get over the mundane activity of a university student. Phew. There is still so much in this heart that needs out. One day, maybe one day, I will have this all off my chest.

Lifes a train yard, each train containing a group of people going the same way in life, one goes north to succession south to stagnancy. And here I am, walking the train tracks safely, avoiding the decision of purchasing a ticket to a destination I will later want to leave. Perhaps I wish to find a ticket, to find it floating in the wind, falling upon my feet, asking me to trust it's invitation. Each conductor named so carefully Society, Education, Religion and Fate are projecting last call.

I can't live these facades. I'm content with walking to my unknown destination, is it not mo about the journey than the destinations?

Nothing but mere illusionary discretion...
But hell, apparently I'm nothing but pretentious.